State/college jokes

[PLS]

Since the preseason top 25 is out I thought we might as well get things started. Also, I've always heard that people make fun of their neighbouring state to the south of them. Just wanted to see what you all were saying about your neighbours.

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas? Anywhere else and it would have been called the teethbrush.

A Jayhawker was walking in the woods when he came upon a river. As fortune would have
it, there was a fellow on the other bank wearing a KU hat. The first Jayhawker yelled out "Hey there, can you tell me how you get to the other side of this river?" The gent in the KU hat replies, "You idiot, you're already on the other side of the river!"

[Mojave]

Did ya' hear about the texas university grad that moved to Oklahoma?
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Raised the average IQ of both states.
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[ghost recon]

If three Florida State football players are in a car, who is driving?
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The police officer.

[ghost recon]

What do you say to an Ohio State football player dressed in a three piece suit?
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Will the defendant please rise.

[marksimerson]

Yes ghost!!!! Go michigan!!!!!!!

[Steve Valentine]

Sorry Mark, I couldn't resist.

Michigan Jokes

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Q. What does the average Michigan player get on his/her SAT?
A. Drool.


Q. How many Wolverines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, but he gets 5 credits for it.


Q. Why do women from Michigan wear high heels?
A. To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground.

Q. Why doesn't Ohio slide off into the Ohio River?
A. Because Michigan SUCKS.


Q. What do you tell the U of M cheerleader to pick her up after she smiles at you?
A. Nice tooth, babe.


Q. How do you keep your family safe from a Wolverine?
A. Move to Pasadena.


Q. Did you hear the University of Michigan is going to bring back artificial
turf in their football stadium?
A. They're tired of the cheerleaders eating all the grass.


Q. Why did they change the playing field at "The Big House" to cardboard?
A. Because Michigan has always looked better on paper.


Q. How do you make Wolverine cookies?
A. Put them in a big bowl and beat them for three hours.


Q. What do you say to a Michigan Wolverine in a three piece suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise.


Q. What do you call a football player in Michigan who has talent?
A. An Ohio product


Q. What's the difference between the Michigan football team and Frosted Flakes?
A. Frosted Flakes know what to do in a bowl


Q. Why do University of Michigan graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboard?
A. So that they can park in handicaped spaces.


Q. How do you get a Michigan graduate to stop knocking on your door and get off your porch?
A. Pay for the pizza.


Q. What do you have when you get 32 Michigan fans togethor?
A. A full set of teeth.


*Have you heard the news? Rich Rodriguez is only going to dress 22 players for the game
against Ohio State. The rest of the players have to dress themselves.


*If a couple from Ann Arbor get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?


*A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a
Michigan joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that
joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan
alumnus. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's a
Michigan alumnus. The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's a
Michigan alumnus. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The first guy says,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times."


*Three profs go to Tijuana. They had so much fun they were put in jail
and, justice being what it is, were sentenced to death by electrocution.
The first Prof sits in the chair. "Any last words?" "Yes, I'm from
Northwestern and I'm ready to meet my God." But nothing happens when the
switch is thrown and the Prof is released because it would be cruel and
unusual to attempt a second excecution. Next guy gets into the chair and
announces he's from Purdue, etc. and again nothing happens and he is
released. The third Prof has been watching very closely. When he gets
into the chair he says, "I'm from U. of Michigan and I'm an Electrical
Engineer. And if you just connect those two wires..."


*Rich Rodriguez is on the Ohio 5 yard line in the closing seconds of a game
tied 14 - 14 and prays for inspiration. He looks to the heavens and says
"God what play should I call." God answers "throw a flat pass to the
right". Rich calls the play and it is intercepted and returned all the
way for a touchdown giving Ohio State the win. Rich once again looks to
the heavens and says "God why did you call that play". God pauses and
says "Hey Woody why did we call that play?"



*A Michigan fan and an Ohio State fan go to the restroom and stand next
to each other at the urinal. They finish about the same time. The
Michigan fan goes to the sink to wash his hands and the Ohio State fan
starts to walk out. The Michigan fan yells that the Ohio State fan and
says hey in Michigan they teach us to wash our hands after going to the
bathroom. The Ohio State fan replies back. At Ohio State they teach us
not to pee on our hands...


*A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But
I'm a graduate of the University of Michigan," the young man replied
indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."


*4 college alumni were climbing a mountain. An Ohio State grad, a
Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, & a Notre Dame grad. As they climbed
they began to fight over who was the most spirited alumni & loved their
school more. As they reached the top the Notre Dame grad hurled himself
off the mountain. As he fell to his doom he shouted "THIS IS FOR THE
FIGHTING IRISH!!!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad then
shouted "THIS IS FOR THE NITANY LIONS!!!!" and hurled himself off the
side of the mountain. Of course not wanting to be outdone the Ohio State
grad shouted " THIS IS FOR THE BUCKEYES" & walked over and pushed the
Michigan grad over the side of the mountain!!!!!


*A Professor invents an IQ machine that boosts a person's IQ to 300 and
then starts counting backward. He connects his wife to it, turns it off
at 190, and she starts explaining quantum physics. He tries it out on
his brother Bill, turns it off at 175, and Bill starts talking advanced
calculus. Then he plugs in his cousin Bob. Just then the phone rings,
and it's a telemarketer. By the time he gets back to unplug Bob, the
machine is counting down: 14 - 13 - 12. He slams the switch to "off,"
shakes Bob and screams, "Say something!" and Bob says, "Go blue!"


*A stockbroker, on his way home from work in Columbus, came to a dead
halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems much worse than
usual." He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped
cars. The officer replies, "Rick Rodriguez is depressed, so he stopped the
team bus and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself
on fire. He is tired of losing to Ohio State every year and the
university has cut back on his recruiting budget. We're taking up a
collection for him." The stockbroker asks, "How much have you got so
far?" The officer replies, "About 75 gallons, but a lot of folks are
still siphoning."


*An Ann Arbor judge was ruling in the case of a ten year old boy who
accused his parents of beating him. After reviewing the evidence, the
judge announced that his intention to make the boy's grandmother his
custodian. The boy protested this, stating that the grandmother also
beat the boy. Finally, the judge awarded custody of the boy to Rich
Rodriguez and the Wolverines, since the judge rightly determined that they
can't beat anybody.



*Some friends came to visit us in Dublin and commented that it sure was
windy in Ohio. We had to explain that it's really not very windy at all
in Ohio it's just that Michigan sucks so badly.



*Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by
his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly. "Becky my darling" he whispered. "Hush my love,"
she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his
tired voice, "I have something that I must confess." "There's nothing to
confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Every thing's all right, go to
sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I...I have been a Michigan
Fan all of my life!" "I know sweetheart," whispered Becky, "let the
poison work."



* Once upon a time, there was a season when neither Ohio State nor Michigan
made a post-season bowl game. It seemed so unusual that the teams figured
there should be some sort of competition anyway. So they got together and
decided on a week-long ice-fishing competition.

On the first day, Ohio State caught 100 fish and Michigan caught none.

On the second day, Ohio State had caught 200 fish and Michigan still had
zero.

The Michigan coach, suspecting cheating, dressed one of his players in
scarlet
and
gray and sent him to the Ohio State camp to act as a spy. At the end of the
day,
the player came back to the report.

"Are they cheating?" asked the coach.
"They sure are," the player said. "They're cutting holes in the ice!"

GO BUCKS!!! BEAT MICHIGAN!!

[PLS]

NEWS FLASH- Arkansas' worst air disaster occurred when a small

two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Alabama

students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and rescue

workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb

as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived

and are helping in the recovery efforts.

[marksimerson]

I like the Woody telling God the play one! OK....OK!! U@M is gonna suck this year because of RR recruiting anyways.....Always been a "closet" Spartan fan...How about Go MSU???????