Official Joke Thread

[ShowmeMoflint]

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, Gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay."
The husband says, "No, not at all."
His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then?"
"I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."

[ShowmeMoflint]

A Jewish, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention.
The Jew, bragging about his virility said, "I have four sons, one more and I’ll have a basketball team!"
The Catholic pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That’s nothing, I have 10 sons, one more and I’ll have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You fellers ain’t got a clue. I have 17 wives, one more and I’ll have a golf course!"

[joshuaream]

What do you call a dog with short legs and metal testicles?
.....

Sparky.

[DesertWalker]

A horse walks into a bar...bartender says, "why the long face"...lol

[Bobby]

This one is a little hard to clean up but I will try,

There was a brother and a sister in Arkansas that were making out.
The sister started giggling and the brother asked her what was so funny?
She said you make out just like daddy.
He said hell I know that cause momma told me the same thing last night.

[Scotto]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint
on their habits.

After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked...

In the middle of the project, there's a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"

[PLS]

A preacher was getting worried about his son still living at home. The son had not made his decision about what he wanted to do with his life and what kind of morals he would have.

The preacher decided to give his son a test. He left a bible, a porn magazine, a twenty dollar bill and a bottle of whiskey laying out where his son would see it when he came home. The preacher hid to watch when his son came home. His son came through the door and noticed the money. He picked it up and stuck it in his pocket. The dad thought, dang it, he's going to be a thief. Then the son picked up the bible and the dad thought things were looking up and he might be following in the old man's footsteps. The son stuck the bible under his arm and picked up the porno and started thumbing through the pages. The dad wasn't sure what to think. While looking at the porno the boy reached over, unscrewed the cap off the whiskey, and took a big swig. The dad was furious. He knew right then his son was going to be a politician!

[rokdok]

Originally Posted by Bobby

This one is a little hard to clean up but I will try,

There was a brother and a sister in Arkansas that were making out.
The sister started giggling and the brother asked her what was so funny?
She said you make out just like daddy.
He said hell I know that cause momma told me the same thing last night.

I heard the same joke, but the family was in Texas!!!

[Cluton]

No, Arkansas!!! I'm sure of it!!

[marksimerson]

Did-ja hear Ford is talking about putting the dimmer switch back on the floor? I guess blondes keep getting their foot caught in the steering wheel.