Arrowheadology.com

Shannon Graham · #1 09-22-2010, 08:44 PM

**Language warning** Linked article contains 'four-letter' words.

If you know the Onion, well...read on.

Archaeologists Unearth Lousiest Civilization Ever
'What A Bunch Of Losers,' Researchers Say
September 9, 2010 | ISSUE 46•36

MANAUS, BRAZIL— Archaeologists working in a remote section of the Amazon Rainforest announced Tuesday that they have discovered the ancient remnants of what they claimed may be the lousiest civilization in human history.

According to Dr. Ronald Farber, a professor from the University of Minnesota who is leading the excavation, the "half-assed" culture existed from about 450 B.C. until 220 B.C., when it abruptly disappeared—an event he said was "honestly no big loss" for our understanding of human culture.

"From what we've unearthed so far, it appears this pre-Columbian civilization was pretty much just copying what other, more superior groups nearby were doing—albeit to a much ****tier degree," Farber said. "They sucked. You should see the useless mess of a calendar these dumbasses came up with."

"Uh, hello?" he added. "Did these nimrods even try observing and recording the positions of the constellations in the sky right above their freaking heads?"

Explaining that the site is of absolutely no consequence to archaeological scholarship, Farber told reporters the civilization's extensive aqueduct system was so hilariously inefficient its inhabitants were practically drinking mud.

"And look at these piece of **** pipes they played music on," said Farber, holding up several hollowed-out bones found at the site. "Flutes. ****ing flutes—not even one goddamn drum, by the way—and they make this god-awful, horribly shrill sound. Can you imagine how painful it must have been when a bunch of these dumb-dumbs were all going at it with their little pipes at the same time?"

The rest of the article and images can be found here.